Drew Barrymore Opens Up to Madison Beer About Attempting Suicide Twice: “I Was So Desperate”

In an emotional conversation on Wednesday’s (April 26) episode of The Drew Barrymore Show, Drew Barrymore and singer Madison Beer opened up about their attempted suicides, with the talk show host saying that she was once “so desperate” that she “did not know where else to turn.”

Beer appeared on the daytime talk show to promote her new memoir The Half of It, where Barrymore — who said she relates to the pop star’s struggles “on levels that are difficult to talk about” as she’s “been there” — asked about her “attempts at escaping life.”

“I got to the point that things caught up with me that I had never acknowledged, I never wanted to face,” Beer said. “I feel like I was sort of putting on this façade and living this role I had been assigned for so long and it just all caught up to me one day and then one day turned into weeks and months and, honestly, I feel like it was at least year that I was always in this sort of, like, suicidal ideation mindset.”

She said it “felt very normal” for her to think about suicide at the end of each day — that is, until she actually made an unsuccessful attempt.

“It just all became too much and that’s when I also decided, ‘OK, clearly there’s something more for me to live for.’ I wasn’t successful and I want to do something with that,” Beer said. “I want to be able to say I made the choice to live and, what am I gonna do now? What does that mean?”

Beer confirmed to Barrymore that this happened twice — though said she would “brush off” the second time, which shows how “not serious” it was to her at that point.

“It became so normal that sitting on a balcony and debating jumping off was just something that I kind of did,”  she said. “And that’s why I’m like, ‘Was that really that big of a deal?’ and now obviously with a lot of reflection and writing about it, obviously yes.”

Meanwhile, Barrymore — who has been open about her attempted suicide at age 13, which landed her under psychiatric care for a year and a half — told her guest about her own experience.

“Me as well, twice. I don’t know if I really wanted to leave the earth. I was so desperate that I did not know where else to turn,” the 50 First Dates star said, to which Beer replied, “Right, you wanted like a way out, even if it was maybe temporary, but obviously it can’t be … I always used to say to my best friend, ‘I just want a temporary death, like maybe it’s not forever but right now it’s too much and I want out currently.'”

When Barrymore asked how the “Reckless” singer was able to find her “way out” of the dark times, she revealed that she began doing “a lot of inner child work,” went to mental health retreats and began going to therapy every single day of the week. She also said she started to love herself the same way she tries to love others.

“I love you,” Barrymore said. “Everything you just said, that was a real roller coaster of incredible productiveness in seeking help, in self-awareness, in giving grace to others, realizing you’re not giving it to yourself and you get to be the real you.”

She continued, “You have carved that path out for yourself with bravery and courage and strength and I applaud that because you never have to be fake or anyone but you.”

The Drew Barrymore Show airs on weekdays on CBS. You can check the website for local airtimes.

If you or someone you know are experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at 988.